The most important thing

I recall my flight leaving Montreal and going to Europe for six months. I had been through so many emotions... At first, after taking my seat next to the friend I did this experience with, I thought: “How exciting! We are so lucky… we are going to have a blast!”

Then not long after the take-off, I was starting to feel sad and this sadness grew exponentially. I was thinking about my friends and family I would not be able to see for half a year… “Are they going to be ok?”, ”Will my friends move on?” “Will my four year old nephews forget me?” I had also just opened a very touching card my older sister, who had taken care of me like a second mother all my life, wrote to me telling me how much she loved me and asked me to be careful as she could never forgive herself if something happened to me.

About an hour later, my sadness had become fear. “Did I do the right choice?” “What if I don’t like it over there?” “What if I need help or I get sick and there’s nobody to help me?” And the worse part was the little anxiety attack that followed during the night (it was a night flight). “I loved my life in Montreal, why did I leave… what I am doing?” But I went to sleep and finally woke up the next morning, happier than ever to begin this adventure in Paris.

Now I’ve been back for three weeks and at times it feels as though my trip was a dream! It went by so fast… To be honest, I’ve been doing everything I can in order to escape reality. Indeed, I lived at my brother’s for a week, at my sister’s here and there, I slept over at my friend’s place once, I hadn’t told my superiors I was back until yesterday… and I even had not fully unpacked until this week!

Coming back, I thought it would be very difficult and that is why I’ve been acting this way…to avoid having to deal with my emotions. After doing more or less trivial things I couldn’t do in Amsterdam such as having poutine, crepes with real maple syrup, ordering my favorite sushi, driving my car around the city, getting a massage by the best massage therapist who happens to be my mom and picking up my house phone even though I had no one to call, I thought ‘’What now?’’

But today I wonder if maybe returning was not as hard as I thought it would be. Of course I sometimes think about Europe and how I miss my life over there. I miss some people so much it hurts sometimes, I miss travelling and meeting tons of amazing people, I miss my bicycle, my apartment, and simply waking up in Amsterdam.

Although now, I am around my family and friends who have always been there to support me, and that’s the most important thing. Those are also the people who will stand by me as I “rebuild” my life here. There are just people you love so much and connect with on such a high level that you can easily put your relationship “on hold” without loosing it.

I have to say I’m truly amazed with human beings’ ability to adapt to different environments so easily. Isn’t it funny how I was scared to leave Montreal and then had such a good time abroad that I came back halfhearted? I’m thinking that if I was able to create a new life over there, it should be a lot easier here now that I have my family and friends around. As a conclusion, it doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you’re with.

Although I’m not going to lie…I’m already planning my next trip!